Why This Work is Personal
Content warning: this post discusses birth trauma, pregnancy complications and perinatal mental health. Please take care of yourself while reading.
This week is Birth Trauma Awareness week, and the theme this year is the ‘hidden cost of birth trauma’.
It’s important to note that birth trauma isn’t limited to the moment of birth itself. It can occur at any point across the perinatal journey, from trying to conceive, through to pregnancy, birth, into the days of feeding, recovery and getting to know your baby.
The marks of birth trauma can leave a long lasting imprint on the lives of those who have experienced it, including partners and family members.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, 7 years ago, I had Pre-eclampsia. Pre-eclampsia is a condition that causes high blood pressure which is something I still have to manage today. It also causes severe headaches, heartburn, vision problems, swelling and other symptoms.
I was diagnosed at 28 weeks, and had to have regular (2-3 times a week) check ups at hospital to monitor my blood pressure and my daughter’s health too. I had to take a ton of tablets which were frequently checked on and updated.
This meant I missed a lot of work and as a self-employed person working in TV, with no proper maternity leave, I was working two jobs while dealing with all of this.
Thankfully one of my clients was super understanding, and even paid me til my contract ended, even though I had to finish early and have my baby.
The midwives that took care of me were excellent. God bless the NHS. I will never forget the kindness and support their showed me and my husband when we were anxious and nervous about the next steps of my pregnancy.
I recognise my privilege here too, I am a white cisgendered woman and I know that the support I received is not always the same for Black and Brown women and birthing people.
However, minutes after I was told I had pre-eclampsia, an obstetrician came to visit me in the bay and that I would just ‘have to have’ my baby sooner. It completely scared me and upset me, and made me feel like I had no control over what was going to happen to me and my baby. I can still remember feeling utterly heartbroken at the prospect of this man telling me what I would ‘have to do’ with my own body and my own baby.
There was a point where I was admitted into hospital and he was the doctor on the rounds and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him. All I remember is the little lego figure on his lanyard, which I remembered thinking was absolutely stupid and who on earth did he think he was...
The cost of birth trauma for me was a lack of safety and not knowing what was going to happen next.
This experience, and others, are part of what brought me to the work I am proud to do now. Training as a counsellor and working with organisations like Make Birth Better and the Maternal Mental Health Alliance isn’t just a client relationship to me, it’s personal. I care about this space deeply because I’ve been there.
